MAD-MAN

Kicking Shyster's Arses Is A Laudable Life's Work!

22 December 2015

COFFEE SHOP, 1321 LOCUST STREET, WALNUT CREEK, CA 94596

This is a place, comparatively new, that seems on the surface to be trying hard to please, but is suffering such a severe identity crisis about what it intends and strives to be, that it comes off as supremely pretentious and fails in nearly all respects, despite positive reviews to the contrary.
First off, it's routinely crowded and busy, so it's not for lack of business! Nor is it the fault of the majority of baristas here, most of whom(despite some negative digs by reviewers)work their butts off and remain generally cheerful, efficient, friendly and pleasant throughout some blatantly unpleasant working conditions.
Forget even trying to savor even the simplest of way OVER-priced beverages here: from their basic coffee, to tea(iced or hot)and hot chocolate, all taste roundly watered down and flavorless.  I've never tasted basic beverages THAT bad ANY-place, and when they make you miss Starbucks, that's REALLY bad!
And don't even pretend that that muddy water they claim to be "Irish coffee" resembles even in the slightest the real thing: anybody who's savored the true and original beverage at the Buena Vista Café in San Francisco knows the vast, indescribable difference!
Surprisingly, though, a couple of their sandwiches(likewise way OVER-priced)have turned out to be pretty tasty, even when their cold cheese is under-heated and un-melted!
One decided but important plus is this place's accessible condiment bar and its assorted additions and additives!
What's most unappealing about this place are two things: its basic physical layout and a majority of the OBNOXIOUS patrons that faulty setup attracts: either the laptop mob or the pretentious hipsters falling all over themselves(and everybody else)trying so futilely to act and look cool!
This is not a place to pause in PEACE simply to enjoy a beverage and quietly read the newspaper or a good book, compose written work, people-watch, much less have a quiet and intimate conversation with a preferred companion!  Too many hyper-pretentious "hipsters" frequent the place, trying ever so loudly to display themselves in all their supremely shallow and superficial glory!  If you doubt that, just tune in on some of their empty and vacuous conversations, which most of them seem bent on imposing upon the entire clientele-at-large!
This twin-faceted "diversity" could be reasonably suffered were the layout and furnishings vastly different, but as things are presently set up, PERSONAL SPACE as a concept is virtually non-existent and is continuously INVADED or otherwise disrupted. So it's designed for turn-over(and payola), not clientele enjoyment.
One of two scenarios regularly play out here:
First, the extremist laptop fanatics will literally clamber ALL OVER you, at those overly narrow cafeteria-style tables, trying to hook up their laptops, cell phones and other assorted chargeable electronic devices into the sparse, precious few available outlets!  What's clearly needed then is a SEPARATE SECTION, clearly demarcated for these fanatical IDIOTS what with all their feet-tripping chords and cables!
At the very front façade, on either side of the front entrance, are these twin metallic counter tops and supposedly adjustable bar-style stools, way too many crammed into the limited floor space there.  What's way beyond me is the reason or rationale why certain "hipsters" will awkwardly plod their way in, plop both themselves and their assorted junk(backpacks, laptops, whatever)with a big bang onto the shaky, metallic countertops, and will then proceed for the rest of their time spent there either banging further the metallic countertops with their fists or elbows, or playing "musical chairs" with the stools, constantly shifting or "adjusting" the seats for height instead of simply choosing a chair already suited to their height!  Sometimes it's just really UN-real to watch and observe!  Not to mention, downright rude to sit there and constantly and inexplicably rattle the metallic counter tops for no rational reason except to display and attract attention to themselves.
Second, are the hipster peacocks arriving to display in full bloom to a mostly DIS-interested and IN-different clientele all their self-conscious, self-entitled, HYPER-pretentious feathers in the noisiest, most obnoxious and superficial displays possible!  Clustering together in their little, shallow-talking cliques as if they're frequenting a bar, or worse, a fraternity or sorority house party!  These buffoonish clowns, likewise, could sorely use a SEPARATE SECTION where they can make their futile attempts to impress themselves since they're failing royally at impressing anybody else!
Either that, or set up a separate space(and proper furnishings)for patrons aspiring for a little quiet downtime with a book, paper or companion, not the hyper-pretension of minor mobs of hipster groupies!!
And, finally, those oversized, crooked chunks of faux-logs in the rearward section serving as floor refreshment holders do NOT stable "tables" for cups and plates make!